No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
