We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
