Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
