hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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