Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
