We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
