Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
