nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
