I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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