I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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