Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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