I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
