3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
