I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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