I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize