I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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