he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
nutella sex= disaster
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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