She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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