I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
