did you get engaged???
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
