You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
