i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
