Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
