I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
