YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
