u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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