i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
