new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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