yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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