Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
