Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
