it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
