What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize