Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
