If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
