is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
