the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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