So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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