a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
