He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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