hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
