I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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