it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
