I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize