Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
