when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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