day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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