i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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