my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
