One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
