my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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