I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
