Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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