Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
