I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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