Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
