She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
