He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
