I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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