tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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