There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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