Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
