(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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