Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
