Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
