I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
