last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
