I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woke up backwards on a recliner
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
