I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
