We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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